Are you listening?

Are you listening?

6th March 2023

It’s really hard. Much harder than we think. But to listen, to really hear what someone is saying takes a lot of skill. 

As dentists we are pulled in many directions – patients, colleagues, our immediate team, mentors, mentees, trainees, family, friends and more. Our focus is often diluted when it shouldn’t be. We think we’re listening, we really do, but it’s tricky. The phone rings, our email pings, we hear the post arriving, we accidentally listen in on a conversation nearby that calls for some input… Listening is a great skill – indeed there are listening workshops, webinars, books and even listening experts would you believe.

To get started, consider the really important times that present themselves in your typical work life where understanding the detail and nuances within a talking and listening exchange is imperative. This might include: a staff review, a patient’s response to your questions, information that is imparted during a referral, paying attention to questions asked of you during training sessions or patient treatments. You know what those moments look like for you. The questions are – why should you listen and how do you do it?

To value listening it’s key that you know why you’re doing it. When your mind isn’t racing ahead to prepare an answer; or empathise; or challenge what someone is saying you are able to properly absorb what someone is telling you. Listening means you get the full story, not the ending you’ve talked over or assumed. You’ll get all the details and not miss anything. You might get additional information from body language or more depth if your speaker knows they can take their time to explain things correctly. 

It is tricky – we work within a timeframe, we think we know what the speaker is trying to say, they might not be very articulate or comfortable with you… there are lots of reasons why we don’t listen. We want to agree, nod enthusiastically, jump in with our thoughts and empathy. We might yearn to disagree. We might have had a very similar experience. We also might not be very interested. Listening is hard work. 

Listening is something I practise as an Educational Supervisor. I’m hearing the concerns of my trainees, helping to identify gaps in their knowledge. Really listening out for what they are telling me  is key to building their confidence in their future career. Also I run training courses through evo endo and allowing plenty of time for delegates to ask questions thoroughly means they get a much better experience. It’s good for me too, when I’m listening properly I often understand so much more than I expected to. It’s easy to think we can predict what someone is about to say.

Top 5 tips for learning to listen:

Focus wholly on the speaker: put your phone away, leave your laptop alone, engage and listen.

Watch their body language: what non-verbal cues can you work out from your co-worker, patient, course delegate, receptionist, dental colleague just by observing?

Give the speaker time: it’s honestly a good feeling – being patient, giving the person time and space, often allowing them to work through their thoughts while they are talking to you. It makes the person feel valued and worth listening to.

Keep an open mind: allow the speaker to challenge, question or even confront you and let them finish before you respond. Listen to understand first and foremost. Don’t just to wait for your chance to speak.

Do not speak: and this includes excessive nodding or murmuring your agreement. Maintain a comfortable amount of eye contact and actually… you know… listen!

Challenge yourself in the next meaningful conversation you have to only listen. Stop what you’re doing. Forget how busy you are. The person in front of you has something to say. You can make that as pivotal or important as you want to by the level of attention to pay. Value the results you get from listening – building the rapport, trust and knowledge. 

Take the time to practise listening, I honestly believe it’s a game-changer and will help all of your relationships, particularly the dentist/patient exchanges.